The Guitologist
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China Use Weather Balloons to Deliver Gibson Guitar Copies

2-12-2023
Brad Linzy

[Nashville, TN] US guitar manufacturer Gibson is in a panic as State Department and military intel sources have discovered a Chinese plot to utilize its already proven weather balloon technology to deliver Gibson Les Paul copies to US buyers. The low-cost shipping alternative has come under fire recently by critics who claim the tactic is uncompetitive and unfair.

"This affront to international trade norms, not to mention Gibson's protected IP, cannot be allowed to stand," said Gibson media spokesperson Mark Agnesi. "These are not authentic Gibson guitars, and we intend to use every means at our disposal to prevent these guitars from coming into the country. It just isn't fair that we are down wind from China."

In a separate statement given on a shared private flight to Washington D.C. to meet with lawmakers, Gibson Brand President Cesar Gueikian said, "We at Gibson are used to destroying our own guitars with digging equipment on terra firma (that's the ground to you lower simpletons); we aren't equipped to shoot these balloons down ourselves."

Gueikian said he plans on meeting with lawmakers and the president on Monday, right after the president's afternoon nap.

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